Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
