just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
