you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
