Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
