please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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