a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
