these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
