weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
