she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
