All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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