I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
