Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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