She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
