dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
