Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
