the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
