Someone shit on the floor
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
