So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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