Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
