Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
pray to the hookup gods
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
