she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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