no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
