I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was CRYING into my vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
