she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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