I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
