oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
