He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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