i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
