How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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