The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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