Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
