i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
