Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
