I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
