Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I want a musical about memes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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