So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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