I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
