Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
