You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
