Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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