Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
