...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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