I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
