i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
