my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's get the cat blown out
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
