When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
