do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
