I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
