it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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