All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
